Debates avoid, and rude contention shun;
A woman’s with submissive language won.
– Ovid, ‘Ars Amatoria’ II, transl. Thomas Yalden
In the previous post in this series on seductive social skills, we considered four potent conversational keys for smoothly exploring a woman’s mind and facilitating a deeper getting-to-know-you conversation.
And so, it’s time now to move the interaction further on again – to build rapport and create a seductive emotional connection. Broadly speaking, once you have rapport and are suitably connected, you should be, more or less, ready then to start seducing her physically and, all being well, to get more amorous.
In this post then, you’re going to learn how to connect with a woman. More specifically, you’re going to prepare now to really focus your conversation on the hottest topic, or topics, to help develop that vital connection.
4 seductive conversation skills to help dynamically connect with the woman you want
1) Listen, and observe, attentively for topics to explore
The purpose of your conversation here is to explore her mind with a view to achieving your conversational goals, like those listed in the previous post of this series, and particularly now to connect with her. So, you’ll need to listen carefully then to what she says and reveals about herself.
Listen too, and observe, for the way she says what she says. This can yield important indications about the emotions or intentions behind what she says and, therefore, what’s especially important to her.
The possibilities are endless here if you’re listening carefully and she’s contributing to the conversation by revealing things about herself. You can steer it then in any number of directions and explore her experiences, feelings, and thoughts on numerous things.
Ordinarily then, throughout the course of a conversation, various topics continually emerge, like junctions on an urban road. It’s up to you then which you want to explore and where you want drive, so to speak.
Here’s a basic example:
- ‘After work tomorrow, I’m going to be taking my dog for a walk on the beach.’
There are at least four topics in just that short sentence:
3) Her dog
4) The beach
From there then, you can make anyone of these the focal topic of the conversation, either by asking her about one of them, revealing something about yourself related to one of them, or both.
You can use these emerging topics then as opportunities to steer the conversation along more intriguing avenues. Be on the look out then for the signposted ones, so to speak. Those are the ones that may be, either more or less consciously, especially important to her. Look out too for those that are significant to you. You can use these emerging topics then to contribute yourself by sharing your own related experiences, feelings, and thoughts, or to probe her first about them.
Just be a little wary, though, about revealing too much of yourself too soon. Instead, it can be helpful to maintain a touch of mystery and intrigue – and, perhaps, wise, at times, to be bit prudent with your revelations.
2) Identify and explore common ground
Ordinarily, enjoying rapport and a significant connection comes with familiarity and having things in common. If you’re not already especially like-minded, this can take some time and work. The seductive social skills you’ve learnt in this series, though, together with Ovid’s timeless amorous insight and inspiration, should help accelerate the process. Meanwhile, you’ll be looking for things you have in common, like mutual interests, desires, and goals, and common experiences, background, and history, and shared tastes, opinions, and views.
So, when you identify these things, be sure to explore them and refer to them to build rapport and further a connection. You needn’t jump on them, though, saying ‘Wow! Me too’. You can just explore them instead and use them as touch-points of familiarity and common ground between you.
3) Find and explore her ‘hot buttons’ and focus mainly on her
To connect with her effectively, it also helps to focus your conversation by first identifying and then exploring her ‘hot buttons’. Her ‘hot buttons’ then are the topics dearest to her. They’re the one’s she most interested in and passionate about. These are the topics then that she loves to talk about, or on which she’s likely to converse more fluently and passionately.
Don Gabor talks about ‘hot buttons’ in his helpful little book How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends. A person’s ‘hot button’, he says, might be a job or career, a sport, a planned trip, a social cause, or maybe even sex. It could be a lifetime passion or just something the person you’re talking to is currently excited about.
If the passion for any ‘hot button’ is mutual, all the better. It needn’t be, though. If you dig deeper and explore her mind on the topic, you’ll find you can often understand, empathize, and connect with her.
Often, though, the most interesting topic for a woman is herself. And, mostly, people in general like to talk about themselves, their lives, and the things they’re passionate about. What’s more, you may have noticed how many women often relish attention and need to feel special.
In most cases then, you’ll want to listen more than you talk and keep your conversation focused mainly on her. That’s focused on her interests, experiences, feelings, and opinions, etc.
Once you’ve identified a suitable ‘hot button’ then, you can use it then to create a connection by enquiring about it and facilitating a supportive conversation on it, which brings us now to the next point.
4) Employ supportive responses to encourage her, lubricate the conversation, and create a connection
So, now you’ve identified a ‘hot button’ and got her talking about it, here are few simple techniques to help you facilitate this conversation and connect with her:
- Interject supportive remarks and comments: These can be just simple one word remarks, like ‘Wow!’, ‘Really?’, ‘Blimey!’, or complete statements, like ‘That’s remarkable’, ‘I can understand that’, ‘I bet that felt strange’, etc.
- Interject supportive questions: You can ask supportive questions, here and there, to indicate your interest, like ‘What did you say?’ or ‘Why do you think he did that?’.
Another effective way of doing this is to employ the simple technique of ‘parroting’. That is, you simply repeat a word or phrase of what she just said – but, this time, as a question – rather like a parrot. Here’s an example:
Her – ‘The card was from Mike. It was a complete surprise.’
You – ‘A complete surprise?’
Her – ‘Yes, he said he wanted nothing more to do with me.’
- Summarize what she says so she feels heard: Briefly summarizing what she’s said from time to time, and repeating it back to her, demonstrates you’ve been listening and have understood her properly. It shows you’re being attentive.
- ‘SOFTEN’ your body language: ‘SOFTEN’ is a helpful little acronym for remembering how to make your body language more receptive and congenial:
S – Smile
O – Open posture
F – Forward lean
T – Touch
E – Eye contact
N – Nod
Remember this acronym when you practise these conversation skills to connect with a woman
You’ll want to get out and practise connecting with some people you’ve not met before to perfect these skills and make them your own. When you’re out and about, however, it’s not always easy to remember what you’ve read. So, here’s an acronym I came up with to help you remember these rapport building conversation skills.
Just remember ‘LIFE’:
L – Listen for topics to explore.
I – Identify and investigate common ground.
F – Find and explore ‘hot buttons’.
E – Employ supportive responses.
And so, in this final post of this series on seductive social skills then, you’ve learnt now how to connect with a woman by listening for topics to explore, identifying and investigating common ground, finding and exploring her ‘hot buttons’, and employing supportive responses to lubricate the conversation and develop the connection.
Throughout this series, meanwhile, I’ve equipped you now with a potent tool-kit of seductive social skills to engage the woman you want in seductive conversation.
Ovid’s Art of Love – The timeless love seduction road-map
Are you frustrated or, otherwise, disenchanted by the women you’re meeting and the frequently dogmatic seduction ideas and merchants of our time?
I often felt that way myself. That is, before I fully discovered the finer points, and overall profundity, of our patron poet Ovid’s classic love seduction masterpiece Ars Amatoria (Art of Love).
This series on seductive social skills then nicely complements Ovid’s extraordinary series of love seduction manuals, which simply abounds with timeless (and, indeed, poetic) amorous insight and inspiration. If we consider the social skills in this series, metaphorically then, as a sort of vehicle, I’d say Ovid’s amorous art is the optimum map to read on the road … and get you to your destination, without getting lost en route.
These extraordinary books then are succinctly packed with a rare hoard of timeless, and time-tested, dazzlingly witty epigrammatic tips, for both men and women, on the art of classic love seduction and how to become an extraordinary lover.
What’s more, Ovid’s sage instructions are liberally seasoned throughout with his illuminating figures of speech and his enchanting tales and witty references and allusions from classical mythology and the ancient world. He teaches his art then whilst expanding his student’s imagination and enlarging his or her eloquence and wit.
The Word of Venus abridged editions
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Please note: Cupid’s School is supported by the income generated from selling these books. So, if you like what read here, and accord with this project’s aims, please consider supporting this blog by investing in one or more of these soul-enriching and life-enhancing books.
Quite frankly, though, I think they represent a splendid (and, indeed, priceless) investment in and of themselves.