A Lover’s Guide to How to Start a Conversation Directly with a Compliment When Cupid’s Arrow Strikes

Image of Undine
‘Undine’ by Charles Louis Müller (1815-1892). Image from ‘Character Sketches of Romance, Fiction and the Drama’ (1892) by Ebenezer Cobham Brewer (1810–1897)

Praise the proud peacock, and he spreads his train:
Be silent, and he pulls it in again.

– Ovid, ‘Ars Amatoria’ I, transl. John Dryden

In the previous post in this series on seductive social skills, we considered how to start a situational conversation with the woman who takes your fancy. In this post then, we’re going to move on now to how to start a conversation directly with a compliment. You’ll be prepared then even for circumstances in which you’re unable to start a situational conversation.

So, let’s imagine again. You’ve spotted that enchanting nymph. And, she wasn’t close enough for you to just strike up a conversation. Plus, you couldn’t approach her indirectly to do so. So, you just walked, or ran, directly over to meet her. And now it’s time to speak.

In this post then, you’re going to prepare to start a conversation directly with a compliment. That is, you’re going to learn how to create and employ a direct conversation starter to initiate a potentially seductive interaction.

The direct conversation starter

I introduced a brief definition of a direct conversation starter in the third post in this series. But now, for the sake of clarity, here it is again:

A direct conversation starter is when you start a conversation by openly expressing your attraction and interest right from the start with a carefully chosen compliment.

Needless to say, opening a conversation with a woman directly with a compliment can be a bit daunting in most situations. Going out of your way to approach her directly and then openly expressing your interest leaves you vulnerable to rejection and scorn. But really, the chances are she’ll, at least, be charmed. It might even make her day. So, when you approach then, remember this.

What’s more, a direct conversation starter can be a potent way of generating attraction and starting to connect with her right from the start. That’s because she’s likely to be charmed, flattered, or touched, or maybe even thrilled. At least, she’s likely to be suitably charmed if you’ve chosen your compliment well and her first impressions of you are, to some degree at least, attractive.

A direct conversation starter then can set a seductive context right from the start. That’s the sort of context then in which you can both openly express your interest in getting to know each other as potential lovers, and not just as strangers or friends engaged in polite chit-chat. It can be a boldly seductive gesture then.

What’s more, done right, a direct conversation starter communicates some qualities about you she’s likely to find attractive. She’ll see, for example, that you’re a proactive and assertive sort of man.

5 steps to start a conversation directly with a compliment

At various times over the years, I have, on occasions, approached and initiated a conversation with a women directly with a compliment. And, generally, it’s been well received. I wasn’t taught how to do it, though, and hadn’t read about it anywhere. Nonetheless, on most of these occasions, my approach more or less conformed to that which I’m about to share here. It is, after all, quite intuitive.

More recently, though, a direct approach to meeting women has gained some popularity in what’s sometimes known as the on-line pick-up and seduction community. Some of its advocates then have micro-analysed this and made something of a science of it. So, the specifics of what I’m about to share here are the fruit of both my own untutored experience and what I’ve more recently gleaned from them.

Step 1) Get her attention and engage her first

Before you can deliver your compliment, in most situations, you’re going to have to get her attention and interrupt her first. So, you’re likely to need to start with a suitable greeting. This can be as simple as ‘hi’ or ‘excuse me’. Then, in some situations, you’ll be able to just follow this up with your compliment.

Step 2) Then contextualize your approach

In other situations, though, where you’re making a more significant interruption (like stopping her whilst she’s walking somewhere), then it’s best to contextualize your approach first. You’ll want to do this so you make your interruption suitably courteous and to disarm her concern about being interrupted by a stranger. After all, it’s not normally done, except sometimes by sales people and the like. So, you’ll need to deal with this concern first.

To contextualize your approach then, you might say something like …

  • ‘Excuse me. (I know this is a bit unusual. But …) I just saw you and felt I had to come and meet you, because …’
  • ‘Excuse me. I just saw you and felt I had to come and tell you …’
  • ‘Excuse me. May I tell you something?’

Step 3) Deliver your compliment as the reason why you approached her

Now you’ve got her attention and engaged her, it’s time to follow this up with your reason why compliment.

So, what are you thinking when you see her? How does she make you feel, and why? Why do you find her attractive? What is it about her that appeals to you? That might be your compliment, or at least the raw material for it. So, more or less, or at least in one way or another, let her know.

Depending on your confidence, the woman, and the situation you’re in, you can make your compliment more or less direct.

On the more direct end of the scale, you might say something like …

  • ‘You look stunning.’
  • ‘You’re a very alluring woman.’
  • ‘You look totally captivating.’

Or, on the less direct end of the scale, you might say something like …

  • ‘You look really nice.’
  • ‘You have a lovely smile.’
  • ‘You have remarkable eyes.’

Likewise, depending on whether or not you’ve identified something in particular, you can make your compliment more or less specific.

On the more general end of the scale, you might say something like …

  • ‘You look really nice/interesting/pretty.’

Or, on the more specific end of the scale (when you’ve spotted something very specific you like about her), you might say something like …

  • ‘You’ve got great style. And you look exquisite in those boots.’
  • ‘I love your look. I really like [the specific detail(s) you like and why].’

If you can make a general compliment then and back it up with the specific details that inspired it, like in these last two, you’ll also demonstrate a perceptive attention to detail.

The woman, meanwhile, is unlikely to have experienced this sought of direct approach that often – if, indeed, at all. She’s likely then to want to know who you are and learn more about you. So observe her response. Just don’t wait around for her approval if she doesn’t. You needn’t be ashamed of being authentically charming.

Step 4) And, introduce yourself

It’s often a good idea to introduce yourself next. As a social gesture, this is usually a prelude to an ensuing interaction.

Step 5) Then, follow up by engaging her in conversation …

Right then, now you’ve learnt how to initiate a conversation with a situational conversation starter and directly with a compliment, you’re going to be prepared to initiate a potentially seductive interaction with a woman in almost any situation. You’re going to have a lot more options now and be able to make things happen.

Having opened the conversation, however, it’s time now to move the interaction on and engage her in some small talk. The next post in this series then is A Lover’s Guide to Scintillating Small Talk for Getting to Know a Woman.