A Lover’s Guide: 4 Conversational Keys for Exploring a Woman’s Mind

Image of Leda and the swan
‘Leda’ by Paul Rouffio (1855-1911). Image from ‘Salon Illustré’ (1889)

With just disdain she treats the haughty mind,
‘Tis complaisance that makes a beauty kind.

– Ovid, ‘Ars Amatoria’ II, transl. Thomas Yalden

In the previous post in this series on seductive social skills, we considered how to engage a woman you’ve just met in some scintillating small talk. And so, it’s time now to move the interaction further on and dig a bit deeper.

So, let’s go back again and imagine. You’re engaging this lovely nymph you’ve just met in some light-hearted getting-to-know-you small talk. And, love’s still on your mind. The vibe is there. The chemistry is nice. Or, at least, it’s promising.

‘But know what? Where do we go from here?’

In this post then, you’re going to prepare to start moving beyond the small talk. More specifically, you’re going to prepare to dig a bit deeper now, and start exploring her mind, to seduce her then for love.

But first, remember your conversational goals

Before you do, though, you’ll need to be clear about your conversational goals and what you want to achieve. Broadly speaking, there are four goals here I think you’ll want to consider.

1) Demonstrate your wit and charm

By and large, you’ll want to project your most attractive qualities (or, at least, the ones she’s most likely to find attractive) and employ your wit and charm to enchant and captivate her mind and emotions. The goal here then is to charm and, otherwise, attract her.

Our patron poet Ovid, meanwhile, emphasises the importance of this in the second book of The Word of Venus Art of Love, where he also proffers his winged words on how to do so. This goal is also the focus of a lesson devoted to it in the first part of the forthcoming Word of Venus Art of Love Home Study Coursewhich also includes a template for you to complete your own Art of Love Identity Profile. This will give you an inventory then, and a reminder, of the attributes and qualities you can project during your interactions.

In the meantime, you might find it helpful to create your own inventory of your most attractive qualities.

2) Screen, qualify, and charm her

You’ll also want to get to know her more and explore the degree to which she has the sort of qualities you’re looking for in a woman. Then, you can use what you learn to decide whether or not, or how, to proceed.

Screening and qualifying, meanwhile, are popular terms, or concepts, in the on-line pick-up and seduction community. Broadly speaking, screening is asking a woman questions related to the sort of traits you’re seeking in a woman. Qualifying, meanwhile, is complimenting or praising her when she demonstrates those traits.

Ovid, however, doesn’t advocate this sort of screening as a seduction tactic but simply discusses the respective benefits of the various types of women you might choose and briefly stresses the importance of making a suitably sober choice.

This basis for screening then is the focus of a lesson devoted to it in the first part of the forthcoming Word of Venus Love Art of Love Home Study Course, which also includes a template for you to complete your Ideal Lover Profile. This will give you an inventory, and a reminder, of the sort of attributes and qualities you’re looking for in a woman.

In the meantime, you might find it helpful to create your own inventory. You can ask her related questions then or, otherwise, form your opinions a little more discreetly, and often more reliably, by simply keeping these in mind as you talk and get to know her.

3) Build rapport and connect with her

Whilst you’re considering if she has the sort of qualities you’re looking for, she’ll be doing the same sort of thing with you. And, ordinarily, apart from certain details, she’ll be seeking some sort of compatibility and connection. Ovid’s winged words, meanwhile, on being attentively charming, with all your words and deeds, in the first and second books of The Word Of Venus Art of Love are dedicated to helping you achieve this.

If you’re still attracted to her then, and love’s still on your mind, you’ll want to move the interaction on to build rapport and connect with her. This is, essentially, a sort of harmonizing and bonding process. Then, generally speaking, once you have rapport and are sufficiently connected, you should be ready then to start getting more intimate.

4) Get amorous (physically seduce her)

Assuming it’s all going suitably well then, you’ll also want to prepare the way for passion and thus to get more amorous. We’re talking more intimate (or progressively erotic) flirting, and escalating degrees of touch, and kissing, and, when she’s ready, beyond. And, don’t forget that this includes the more erotic aspects of non-verbal communication, some of which we covered in the second post in this series, like eye contact and projecting a sexual vibe. These can help ignite, and fan into flame, that all important ‘spark’ and thus create that essential ‘chemistry’ that paves the way then to more avidly amorous activities.

So, we’ll use these goals then to guide the interaction. These goals, though, in my experience, aren’t always mutually exclusive or achieved in a strictly linear order. Listing them this way, nonetheless, provides a useful map of the terrain, so to speak.

Image of spring nymph
‘The Spring’ by Lionel Royer (1852–1926). Image from ‘Salon Illustré’ (1889)

4 keys to move beyond the small talk and start exploring her mind

In the previous post in this series, we saw that the initial small talk is mainly about orientating yourselves to each other, feeling each other out, and creating a vibe that’s both seductive and puts you both at ease. Then, if love’s still on your mind and you’re both engaged and investing in the interaction, you’ll also want to dig a bit deeper and find out more about her.

And so, with your conversational goals in mind, we’re ready now to consider these four conversational keys to help you start exploring her mind and deepen the conversation.

1) Adopt a curious mindset

A good mindset to adopt here is to view her as a, more or less, unique woman you’re sincerely interested in learning about and getting to know. Your goal here then is to learn about, understand, and relate to her. So, to help you achieve this, you might try asking yourself some questions like these:

  • What might I learn about this person?
  • What might I learn from this person?
  • What might I appreciate and enjoy about this person?
  • How might I, more or less, mutually delight and enrich, or, otherwise, be of some service to this person?

Now, say, for example, you’ve enquired about where she comes from. But, when she answers, you find you’ve not been there or don’t know much, or anything, about the place. This needn’t be a problem. Just try to avoid moving on too quickly and asking other unrelated questions, whilst frantically trying to find something you have in common. That’s when it can start to feel more like an interview or an interrogation of sorts.

Instead, be candid here and curious. You can simply say you’ve not been there and ask her then about it. Chances are it’s important to her. And, you’ll learn something new. You might, for example, ask her what it’s like there, what she likes and doesn’t like about the place, or how it compares in different ways to where you are or other places that you know.

Then, after that, you can follow-up with more questions to get more details or, otherwise, share any related knowledge, thoughts, feelings, or experiences of your own.

2) Ask engaging questions

Try to ask engaging questions that encourage her to talk about things she’s interested in or passionate about.

Here’s an example:

  • ‘So, what’s the most exciting thing going on in your life just now?’

Now, that could be a pretty good question. It might give her the opportunity then to talk about something she’s passionate about. And, passions are the emotional topics on which we can often connect.

3) Explore more interesting topics

You’ll want to explore topics of particular interest to her or, ideally, both of you. Ordinarily, mutual interests make it easier to connect. So, if you’ve got a mutual interest or passion, then that’s often the area you’ll especially want to investigate.

Beyond that, however, there’s an endless amount of potential conversation topics you could probe. Here are a few examples then of some you might explore:

  • Holidays, travel, and places
  • Sports
  • Films
  • Music
  • The Internet
  • Hobbies
  • The arts
  • Food
  • Clothes
  • Goals
  • Dreams
  • Spirituality

Of course, these are just a few of the numerous potential topics on which you might converse and relate to one another.

Meanwhile, I’ve got a neat little book I bought some years back now called The Book Of Fabulous Questions by Penelope Frohart. It’s come to my aid a number of times, especially whilst Internet dating. Whilst chatting and speaking to a newly-acquainted lady friend then, I’ve sometimes mentioned this book and then cracked it open on the phone, or even invited her back, whilst out, to consult it together.

This nifty little pocket book can provide a handy excuse to ask the sort of questions you might like to ask but may often feel too forward asking early on. These questions then are broadly categorized by four stages of intimacy, with three or four more specific categories in each.

The first stage questions are about …

  • Youth
  • Family
  • Friendship
  • Career

The second stage questions are about …

  • Personal experiences
  • Favourites
  • Hypothetical situations

The third stage questions are about …

  • Dating
  • Relationships
  • Love

The fourth stage questions are about …

  • Habits
  • The real you
  • Sex

Now, that’s a substantial array of, more or less intimate, potential topics to probe. You can either get the book then for all the specific questions or just use these topics as inspiration for generating exploratory questions of your own.

4) Dig deeper and explore her mind and emotions

Conversation can be a bit tedious when it’s a sort of formal or, otherwise, aloof exchange of facts (like, for example, interviewing one another about each other’s personal history) or if one party simply doesn’t find the topic engaging. To avoid this, it can help if you direct the conversation instead to explore her interests or passions, her dreams, desires, and goals, and her experiences, feelings, opinions, and values.

These things are important to her. And so, you can often engage her then, learn a lot about her, and connect with her by probing and understanding them better.

So, when she tells you about something she likes or doesn’t like, you can explore it further. If she says she likes dancing, for example, you might ask her what it is about dancing that she likes. You might ask her then how she feels, or likes to feel, when dancing. You can also explore her thoughts, feelings, and opinions then on whatever it is she’s interested in.

Meanwhile, once you’ve explored her psyche a bit and have started to understand her outlook, you’ll be better equipped then to charm her more effectively. What’s more, your understanding of her mind and emotions can help you then to connect with her.

I’ll develop this further, though, in the next, and final, post in this series, where we’ll consider how to find and explore her ‘hot buttons’ and use them then to connect with her.

Remember this acronym when you practise these exploratory conversation skills

You’ll want to get out and practise getting to know some people you’ve not met before to perfect these skills and make them your own. When you’re out and about, however, it’s not always easy to remember what you’ve read. So, here’s an acronym I came up with to help you remember these exploratory conversation skills.

Just remember ‘CAPE’:

C – [Adopt a] Curious mindset.
A – Ask engaging questions.
P – Probe interesting topics.
E – Explore her mind and emotions.

And so then, now you’ve learnt how to deepen a conversation with a woman by adopting a curious mindset, asking engaging questions, probing interesting topics, and exploring her mind and emotions. That’s four potent conversational keys I’ve equipped you with to help you understand a woman. Have fun practising and perfecting them then, wisely with love, until they’re second nature and part of your character as an extraordinary lover.

Meanwhile, it’s time now to move the interaction further on again. It’s time now to create a connection. In the next, and final, post in this series then, we’ll consider 4 Seductive Conversation Skills to Connect with a Woman.